I’ve often wondered why there is so much physical pain and suffering among the body of Messiah. Why do we read so many promises of healing for those who believe in Christ and strive to keep His commandments, yet so many of us still suffer with our health? If we believe that YHWH’s Word is true, then this topic deserves more study. I believe healing exists for each of us, just not in the way it is often taught through the prosperity gospel.
“Trust in YHWH with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.
Do not be wise in your own eyes;
Fear YHWH and turn away from evil.
It will be healing to your body
And refreshment to your bones.”
– Proverbs 3:5–8 NASB
And He said, “If you will listen carefully to the voice of YHWH your Elohim, and do what is right in His sight, and listen to His commandments, and keep all His statutes, I will put none of the diseases on you which I have put on the Egyptians; for I, YHWH, am your healer.”
– Exodus 15:26 NASB
“Blessed is the person who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,
Nor stand in the path of sinners,
Nor sit in the seat of scoffers!
But his delight is in the Torah of YHWH,
And on His Torah he meditates day and night.
He will be like a tree planted by streams of water,
Which yields its fruit in its season,
And its leaf does not wither;
And in whatever he does, he prospers.”
Psalm 1:1–3 NASB
When you start believing in the Messiah, a miraculous, total change does not happen overnight. Sure, your life can completely change in a moment and begin moving in the right direction, but the trauma, bad habits, and learned behaviors do not simply go away. In the same way, these things aren’t immediately overcome when you begin keeping your first Shabbat or feast day. This is only the beginning of your transformation. Lasting change takes time, effort, and diligence.
Part of my testimony of beginning my Torah-observant walk came through Biblically clean eating. I was newly sober and ready to begin taking my health seriously. The holistic practitioner I started seeing recommended a temporary plant-based diet to allow my gut to reset, and he instructed me to avoid pork and shellfish when I returned to eating meat. He is not a Torah keeper (yet), but he recognized that the Biblical diet was the healthiest. That breadcrumb led me to wonder what else I was missing, which led me to the Sabbath.
When I began eating Biblically clean and removing processed foods, refined sugar, and grains, my health significantly improved. It stayed that way for a long time. During this season, I was diligent with my diet and supplements. Over time, as my symptoms began to fade, so did my self-control and persistence in caring for myself.
After getting married, we both went through a phase of eating lots of hearty homemade meals and almost daily fresh-milled bread. By the end of 2022, my health had deteriorated again. This was undoubtedly again a result of being completely out of any kind of real routine. After attempting a parasite cleanse and other rapid detoxes, I ended up hospitalized because of the acute stress they placed on my liver. That was the first time I truly questioned why this was happening again.
After this incident, I got serious again. Back to the routines. Back to the restricted diet. This time, my husband and I both followed a ketogenic lifestyle for almost a year. It was a very low- or no-carb diet that was high in healthy fats and protein. It served us both well for a while, but eventually became too hard on my digestive system. Not having a gallbladder makes it difficult to process fats and proteins without taking additional enzymes to help break them down. I also hadn’t had a menstrual cycle in over seven months, so after Sukkot 2023, I returned to a normal diet focused on simple, natural foods. That is when I had one single cycle before the best thing that has ever happened to me came to be.
Josiah. My sweet, miracle little boy.
What I was told would never happen, happened. I haven’t had another cycle since that one, even to this day. My son is my daily reminder that YHWH hears my prayers. We named him Josiah because of one of the possible Hebrew meanings: “Yah has healed.” As he has matured into toddlerhood, we are beginning to think the other possible meaning, “Fire of YHWH,” may be more accurate. He is a very passionate, joyful, and expressive young man. 🙂
All of that brings us to where I am with my health now. I have once again regressed. The questions began to rise in me again:
“Why, Abba? Where is my healing? I’m following You with my whole heart. I’m serving the body. I’m trying to endure this patiently. When will I be whole?”
I have to honestly reflect. Yet again, my lack of diligence and failure to prioritize my health have caught up with me. I continue to lack the fruit of self-control in my food choices. I gravitate toward sugar, grains, and pasta, even though I know sugar is as bad for my liver as alcohol. I returned to complacency, expecting Abba to restore me when I was not willing to do anything in return. Why would He bless me with a restored temple when I have neglected the one I already have?
This time, it’s different. This time, it’s life or death. There are no more chances and no more excuses. I believe healing and restoration are available to me, but I do not expect them to be given to me until I prove myself worthy of the blessing. That is why I have decided to stop suffering in silence and hiding behind my failures to do my part by pretending I have it all together.
I am ready to heal out loud, giving Abba all the praise for each milestone along the way. I know He has the ability to restore me in a moment if He wills it, but that is not my expectation. I know His ways are higher than mine, and He has a purpose for everything. If my trials and suffering bring hope and inspiration to even one person, it is worth it.
I cannot express enough how thankful I am for the friends, family, and community who have surrounded me with love, prayers, and physical and financial support throughout the last week. To each and every person who has prayed, fasted, helped provide supplements and nutrition, contributed toward healthcare costs, physically helped me around the house, or brought us food, may YHWH bless your home abundantly and return your kindness sevenfold.
We must do our part to show Yah that we care about ourselves as much as He does. Why would He heal us if we aren’t willing to be good stewards and tenants of these earthly vessels? A loving Father does not enable. We have to make changes, too.
I am not talking about only eating organic, non-GMO foods or taking hundreds of dollars’ worth of supplements each month. I am suggesting that we make intentional, health-conscious decisions about the foods and products we consume. It is not expensive to eat simple ingredients. It simply requires more time to prepare things at home, and prudence. Many of us are well aware of the countless toxins and poisons that are found in our American food supply. More and more truth is being admitted about the health status of these foods all the time. It’s ultimately up to us what we decide to do with that information. Will we continue to feed ourselves and our children poison for the sake of convenience, or hidden under a blanket of ignorance?
Exercising and moving our bodies is also imperative so that we do not become sluggards. Stretching and simply staying hydrated have tons of benefits on their own. Many health ailments can be healed by utilizing the resources He has given us through herbs, plants, and other natural means. This does not have to be expensive, either. Loose-leaf herbs for making tea are often inexpensive, and many can even be foraged for free. This information is more than readily available to anyone who does a simple search. I am here to say that I believe it is keeping Torah to take diligent care of our bodies, which are the temple of Elohim.
“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?”
– 1 Corinthians 6:19 NASB
A respectful child does not act entitled but expresses gratitude. We have a good and loving Heavenly Father, but He is not required to do anything for us. I must repent for ever having even an inkling of entitlement or bitterness over the years because my health has not yet been restored. I am grateful for each day He has granted me to live this far, and for however many more He ordains. I do not deserve to be alive after the debauchery I once participated in. Every day is a blessing.
Sometimes, there truly does not seem to be a reasonable explanation for why you have not received the healing you have been waiting for. The old cliché, “all in His timing,” may come into play here. Maybe He is waiting to lift you up on His healing wings at the perfect moment to glorify His power and majesty. Maybe He knows you need to have your faith and endurance built. I can certainly relate to this sentiment, but after honest reflection, I know I could be doing more to show my appreciation for the full healing that is coming. Maybe I am being tested to see whether I would take better care of a renewed liver before being given one, similar to how an alcoholic awaiting a transplant would have to go through a period of vetting before being granted a donor organ.
I am writing this to acknowledge before you all where I have failed to be a good caretaker of the body He has graciously given me, carefully knitting together every strand of my DNA in His image. Because He cares for me, I want to do a better job of caring for myself. I am specifically requesting prayers for diligence and self-control in these areas.
It is good for me that I was afflicted, So that I may learn Your statutes.
– Psalm 119:71 NASB
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” declares YHWH.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways
And My thoughts than your thoughts.”
Isaiah 55:8–9 NASB
“For neither herb nor poultice cured them,
but it was thy word, O YHWH, which heals all men.
For thou hast power over life and death;
thou dost lead men down to the gates of Hades and back again.”
Wisdom of Solomon 16:12–13 RSV
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