Hey internet friends and scattered family in Messiah,
This entry is very difficult for me to share, however I am in a place of desperation. My health is currently in a crisis state, and the stage of disease I am in is considered terminal. I’ve shared bits and pieces of my health journey over the years, but I don’t think I have ever really fully explained what I’m dealing with. In case you’re new to the story, I’ll briefly back up and give some context.
At around age 14, I was diagnosed with autoimmune hepatitis following an adverse reaction to the Gardasil (HPV) vaccine. This is a condition where my immune system attacks my liver for no real reason, which has led to extensive damage over the years. I once took medications for this disease, but the side effects were not worth the benefits, as my liver function results never seemed to get any lower than they are unmedicated. One of the medications was prednisone, a corticosteroid. I experienced extreme psychological distress from this medication as a teen, as well as it causing the beginning stages of osteoporosis by age 21. It also destroyed my adrenal system, making stress difficult to manage.
I have shown cirrhosis on scans of my liver for over a decade now, and I have been in and out of the hospital many times. This past week, I started to notice symptoms returning that signal acute distress, so my husband Adam and I decided to go in for testing, reluctantly. I haven’t been hospitalized since fall of 2022 prior to this, which was a record. The last time in 2022, the scarring on my liver had progressed to causing decompensation. This means my liver disease is now advanced, end-stage cirrhosis. Medically speaking, this level of damage is considered too far gone to reverse through standard treatment.
The only long-term solution conventional medicine can offer is being evaluated for a liver transplant. This is something I have always been against since I was a young teen. It is a major surgery that requires lifelong medications with serious side effects, and there is no guarantee that the autoimmune disorder would not return. This is not the quality of life that I want to have, regardless of the quantity.
For those unfamiliar with cirrhosis, it affects far more than just the liver. Because the liver filters toxins, makes essential proteins, and helps regulate fluid, hormones, blood sugar, and nutrients, liver failure can impact nearly every part of the body. On any given day I may experience severe fatigue, abdominal swelling and discomfort from fluid retention, nausea, poor appetite, muscle weakness, swelling in my legs, easy bruising and bleeding, itching, and low blood pressure. It can also affect the brain, causing periods of mental fog, forgetfulness, slowed thinking, mood changes, irritability, or confusion. Some days I may seem relatively normal, while other days even simple tasks can feel overwhelming.
We believe that YHWH can do anything and can heal me in a second if it is His will. He is sovereign and in control, and we surrender this situation fully to Him. We are not asking for medical advice or suggestions. We know there are many liver-supportive herbs, supplements, detoxes, protocols, and various approaches out there, and we are prayerfully researching and implementing what we believe is wise. However, with the level of damage I have, many things that may be helpful for someone else can do more harm than good for me. I have to be very careful what I take because my liver is not capable of processing very much at this time.
What we are asking for are your prayers. We believe what the Scripture says, and that the prayer of the righteous availeth much. So I am swallowing what must be a hidden form of pride and humbly asking for your prayers, brothers and sisters. The reality is I am standing in the valley of the shadow of death. I want to see my son and other children grow up and have families. I don’t want my baby to grow up without me. I love the life Yah has blessed me with and I don’t want to waste a moment of it. I am not trying to be dramatic, but this is where we are at.
Please pray for a miracle, for us to have wisdom to navigate this situation, for the right practitioners, for our faith, for my emotions, for my body to be sustained, and for whatever else Yah lays on your heart. I am in His hands. May He have mercy upon me for His glory.
“YHWH sustains them on their sickbed and restores them from their bed of illness.”
Psalm 41:3
Note: It is overwhelming for me to answer a lot of questions, comments, and messages at this time. We are processing a great deal. Please be patient with us regarding response times and other administrative ministry tasks. I will be slowing down on ministry for a time. We are also praying about visiting a clinic in New Mexico that specializes in a protocol for autoimmune liver disease. Please pray with us about that situation as well. We do not want to take any steps that YHWH does not want us to take.
If you feel led to help support my healing journey, I have made a list of supplements and products that would be helpful for me found at the link below.
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