People often say you need to know your “why” before you begin something new. For me, that “why” isn’t about goals or accomplishments. It’s about following Yahusha the Christ. He calls us to count the cost before we take up our cross, and to follow him wholeheartedly.

“And when he had called the people unto him with his disciples also, he said unto them, Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it.“
‭‭Mark‬ ‭8‬:‭34‬-‭35‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Recently, our fellowship hosted an outreach event for the homeless community in our local metro area, and I was reminded again of some of my “whys”. All my life, I’ve searched for a sense of belonging and for genuine peace. I looked everywhere the world had to offer just to find disappointment and hurt at every turn. Everywhere I looked, I saw brokenness. Brokenhearted people, broken families, a broken system, broken religions. Pain, despair, hopelessness, fear, shame, addiction, abandonment, anger, betrayal— it seemed to have no end. I wanted it all to end so badly, so much so that I made several attempts to take my own life.

But one day something changed. I decided to turn back to the God I had always known as a child, and started reading His word again. It was full of promises, and love, and hope. I had heard all these words before, but never truly experienced the love they spoke of growing up in the church. I saw a lot of hypocrisy and surface-level faith, but nothing that seemed genuine. This time it was different. I sought the Creator for help and healing and He answered me. He rescued me from my filth and washed my heart and conscience clean.

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭7‬:‭7‬-‭8‬ ‭NASB‬‬

I waited patiently for YHWH; And he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, And set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭40‬:‭1‬-‭2‬ ‭KJV‬‬

He began to reveal His truth to me through His Word, showing me how to walk in His ways, step by step. As I learned to live according to His instructions, my life started radically changing before my eyes for the better. Depression and anxiety melted away like snow in the springtime. The fruits of the spirit became manifest in my life instead— love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. I no longer wanted my life to end. I no longer felt the need to numb the days away or escape into another reality in my mind. I felt free.

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭11‬:‭28‬-‭29‬ ‭KJV‬‬

“Trust in YHWH with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear YHWH and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body And refreshment to your bones.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3‬:‭5‬-‭8‬ ‭NASB1995

The peace I now have in my heart is so overwhelming that my greatest desire is for everyone to know this feeling. I finally feel like I not only belong, but am loved and accepted for who I am. I think of everyone I’ve known personally and even the strangers I pass by each day. Seeing the sorrow and burdens they carry motivates me. I continue trying to better myself every day. I want to fully walk in the calling YHWH has for me. I strive to do so in boldness, wisdom, sincerity, and truth, unwavering. I want people to see less of me and more of Him, and the love of our Messiah. Just like He did, I want to reach the poor, outcasts, addicts, harlots, traumatized, and the weary.

I follow and strive to walk like Yahusha (commonly known as Jesus) not only for my own peace, but for the peace of my husband and my children. I want to be a refuge and safe harbor for them. The stronger our marriage is, the stronger my husband is in the spirit. When we are on one accord, we are much more effective in ministry, and better parents. We aim to break cycles for our future generations. We do our absolute best to diligently raise children who are emotionally intelligent and kind. By showing them what Christ-like love looks like, we hope to inspire joyful obedience in them. Our goal is to become the people we want them to be.

“Blessed is the man that has a virtuous woman, for the number of his days shall be double. A virtuous woman rejoices her man, and he shall fulfill the years of his life in peace.”

Sirach (Ecclesiasticus) 26:1-2 | את Cepher

“These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.”
‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭6‬:‭6‬-‭7‬ ‭NASB‬‬

My ultimate goal on this faith journey is to surrender my life daily and walk in His ways, being a beacon of light, hope, and example of Christ’s love to all.

“The Spirit of the YHWH is upon me; because YHWH has anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; to proclaim the acceptable year of YHWH, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn; to appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of YHWH, that he might be glorified.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭61‬:‭1‬-‭3‬ ‭KJV‬‬

May all of His sheep hear and know His voice, and answer the call home. May the Most High continue to strengthen those of us already on this mission. May we persevere through the days to come. May He give us a double portion of wisdom. May we gain discernment as the days grow darker. May we also receive an extra measure of meekness and zeal for His Truth.

Blessings,

Victoria